— By Andru Shively — 

There’s gold, oil, real estate, presidential meme coins… But the commodity that trumps all of these: the plastic drinking straw. So vital are they that the president in Washington made it one of his top priorities after taking office to overturn their ban via Executive Order, bringing plastic straws back to beverages throughout the Promised Land.

But in doing so, President Donald Trump is missing out on a lucrative business opportunity here: with a ban in place, the straws’ scarcity increases their demand. In the UK, for example, there are plastic McDonald’s straws – “unused and unopened in its original sleeve”, as the sellers crucially note – with asking prices on Ebay in the thousands of pounds. Unlike wine, however, the vintage doesn’t appear to matter – a pristine 2016 straw is up for GBP 5,086, while an equally flawless one from 1986 goes for a paltry sum of GBP 2,046.

The most expensive will set you back GBP 7,086 – and that’s not including the additional 260 pounds in estimated postage. In total that’s about EUR 8,600, or a sound investment of around 1,060 Trump coin.